Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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