My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
