Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
