I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
