...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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