Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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