It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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