I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
