I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
