Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
being pregnant is like rehab
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
