the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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