good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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