I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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