You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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