oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
