I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
