You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
