Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
