I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Green mimosas i think yes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I love you. Go after that dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
