This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
