rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
