I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
