Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
