If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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