I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
