are you still at the devil's house?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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