He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
