did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
