Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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