I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
