I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
