Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
