He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
