i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
