May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Text me some of your sweat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
