Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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