my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
