So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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