You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
