just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
