Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
