hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
