WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
