I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
