I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
