I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
