It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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