Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
