Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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