I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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