I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
