I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
