drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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