In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
