You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
