Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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