Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
