...so i touched it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Houston, we have a squirter
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
