just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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