does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize