I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
