last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
