I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
