it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
