is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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