It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
