He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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