So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
