I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
