Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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