I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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